Доброе время суток
Да а знаю, что тема избита, но не бейте ногами, поругайте лучше продуктивно моё писание.
Заранее спасибо
For the first time in my life I saw a computer in my school. I was shocked. Since this moment all my free time was devoted to learning and using it for everything: study and entertainment, in other words to study Computer Science.
After high school, I was accepted to the XX Technical University, one of the biggest Universities of Central Asia. My parents (both of them civil engineers) knew my desire to study Computer Science but they wanted me to have basic engineering skills such as understanding and drawing blueprints, knowledge of work with materials, metals etc. Thus my major has been chosen as Robot Systems Programming & Engineering. This major allowed me to be on a keen edge where the Computer Science and Engineering concur. So, I never regretted it, this choice gave me an excellent undergraduate education, related to Computer Science.
After school, due the economy problem, industry does not have much place for implementing Robotic Systems and I turn my professional career to IT field. As you can judge by my resume I developed successful carrier as database developer and information analyst.
Yet, having significant hand-on experience I feel like I have a good foundation of knowledge, but not a solid enough base for building large Information Systems. I applied and was accepted to Master’s Program in Computer and Information Science at YY College. But after two year in college I realized that I wanted to go beyond obtaining MS Degree and that I need to gain a more research-based, theoretical foundation to complement my practical experience, which can be achieved during my studies in Ph.D. level. Also, time, which I spent in Masters Program, helped me to understand that I want to focus on Databases.
As I said above, Database is my primary research interest in Computer Science. I would like to develop the ideas which challenge me all the time. I want to make databases “smarter”. Adding intelligence to database could allows user to input data as unstructured stream, e.g. as like diary notes, and then use this data same way as it could be entered trough the regular interface which usually takes care about breaking down of entering data. Set of the rules defined by user at the beginning, can control behave of database and serve user through lifecycle starting from entering data e.g. preventing from entering errors and wrong values and finishing with generating queries to retrieve requested information. Also database can learn new rules and change own design depends on how user like to treat entered data.
However, when I have been accepted into PhD program in XX at Z University of YY I found that this school does not have strong study in database. I found that XX University, which has devoted institute - II Center for Database Systems could be ideal place to turn my idea into reality. My visit to Computer Science Department of PP University, talk to head of Graduate Student Organization X and graduate advisor Y confirmed my choice. Experienced faculty, excellent equipped facility combining with a tremendous research experience in Computer Science positively will help me to conduct productive research in chosen area.
I believe I will be a strong and useful part of the team in the Computer Science department of the X University, and my efforts in research will become a good contribution for II Center for Database Systems.
Yes, Statement of Purpose Again
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е2е4
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zhk
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Re: Yes, Statement of Purpose Again
glikhtin wrote:Доброе время суток
Да а знаю, что тема избита, но не бейте ногами, поругайте лучше продуктивно моё писание.
Заранее спасибо
For the first time in my life I saw a computer in my school. I was shocked. Since this moment all my free time was devoted to learning and using it for everything: study and entertainment, in other words to study Computer Science.
.
Ради чего позвольте узнать?
After high school, I was accepted to the XX Technical University, one of the biggest Universities of Central Asia. My parents (both of them civil engineers) knew my desire to study Computer Science but they wanted me to have basic engineering skills such as understanding and drawing blueprints, knowledge of work with materials, metals etc. Thus my major has been chosen as Robot Systems Programming & Engineering. This major allowed me to be on a keen edge where the Computer Science and Engineering concur. So, I never regretted it, this choice gave me an excellent undergraduate education, related to Computer Science.
То есть пошли на поводу у родителей. Самостоятельных решений принимать не может.
After school, due the economy problem, industry does not have much place for implementing Robotic Systems and I turn my professional career to IT field. As you can judge by my resume I developed successful carrier as database developer and information analyst.
Вааще не катит, вместо нормального перехода - слезы о тяжелой участи.
Yet, having significant hand-on experience I feel like I have a good foundation of knowledge, but not a solid enough base for building large Information Systems. I applied and was accepted to Master’s Program in Computer and Information Science at YY College. But after two year in college I realized that I wanted to go beyond obtaining MS Degree and that I need to gain a more research-based, theoretical foundation to complement my practical experience, which can be achieved during my studies in Ph.D. level. Also, time, which I spent in Masters Program, helped me to understand that I want to focus on Databases.
Параграф можно удалить смело. Нагрузки смысловой нет.
As I said above, Database is my primary research interest in Computer Science. I would like to develop the ideas which challenge me all the time. I want to make databases “smarter”. Adding intelligence to database could allows user to input data as unstructured stream, e.g. as like diary notes, and then use this data same way as it could be entered trough the regular interface which usually takes care about breaking down of entering data. Set of the rules defined by user at the beginning, can control behave of database and serve user through lifecycle starting from entering data e.g. preventing from entering errors and wrong values and finishing with generating queries to retrieve requested information. Also database can learn new rules and change own design depends on how user like to treat entered data.
Описание фич. Бесполезно.
However, when I have been accepted into PhD program in XX at Z University of YY I found that this school does not have strong study in database. I found that XX University, which has devoted institute - II Center for Database Systems could be ideal place to turn my idea into reality. My visit to Computer Science Department of PP University, talk to head of Graduate Student Organization X and graduate advisor Y confirmed my choice. Experienced faculty, excellent equipped facility combining with a tremendous research experience in Computer Science positively will help me to conduct productive research in chosen area.
Хаять предыдущего работодателя/школу нельзя.
I believe I will be a strong and useful part of the team in the Computer Science department of the X University, and my efforts in research will become a good contribution for II Center for Database Systems.
Если бы это на MBA - не прошел гарантировано.
zhk
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е2е4
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Спасибо за критику...
Критика имеет под собой почву, только у меня вопрос что должно по вашему там быть? Я бы честно говоря хотел бы оставит только то что вы называете описанием фич потому как люди хотят знат какие фичи меня интересют и как ето с ними пересекается. Иначе любой statement можно свести к однному предложению- Хочу делать Computer Science, Звучит весомо только никому не нужен человек не знающий что он хочет.
Тем не менее спасибо за критику. Писание свое я конечно шлифану у меня еше примерно сутки. Еше раз спасибо
Тем не менее спасибо за критику. Писание свое я конечно шлифану у меня еше примерно сутки. Еше раз спасибо
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Иоп
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Вполне добротное инженерное statement of purpose! Есть только одно крупное замечание - я не нашел в Вашем тексте упоминания о том, как Ваш опыт в робототехнике поможет Вам в университете (если бы Вы придумали, как, то это было бы большим плюсом!).
А теперь мелочь:
>Science positively will help me to conduct productive research in chosen area.
probably, in THE chosen area?
А если исключить "due the economy problem, industry does not have much place for implementing Robotic Systems and"? ИМХО, без "жалоб" лучше звучит.
А это для чего??? Не думаю, что им есть дело до того, куда Вас еще приняли...
Хорошо, если бы Вы капельку сократили письмо (конечно, без потери смысла), так, чтобы уложиться на одной странице.
А теперь мелочь:
>Science positively will help me to conduct productive research in chosen area.
probably, in THE chosen area?
After school, due the economy problem, industry does not have much place for implementing Robotic Systems and I turn my professional career to IT field. As you can judge by my resume I developed successful carrier as database developer and information analyst.
А если исключить "due the economy problem, industry does not have much place for implementing Robotic Systems and"? ИМХО, без "жалоб" лучше звучит.
However, when I have been accepted into PhD program in XX at Z University of YY I found that this school does not have strong study in database.
А это для чего??? Не думаю, что им есть дело до того, куда Вас еще приняли...
Хорошо, если бы Вы капельку сократили письмо (конечно, без потери смысла), так, чтобы уложиться на одной странице.
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е2е4
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Спа-си-бо!!!
Огромное спасибо за критику.
Вот закончу отчет и буду перелопачиват писание заново. Робототехнику ввязать в тему очен хорошая идея. Надо обдумать и описать
Насчет артиклей ... Ну если тренироваться, то точно можно стать чемпионом апока спасибо за подсказки с языком - врагом моим
Еше раз спасибо.Вечером выложу новый вариант и добро пожаловат попинать еше.
P.S. ИОП Проверьте личные сообшения пожалуйста
Вот закончу отчет и буду перелопачиват писание заново. Робототехнику ввязать в тему очен хорошая идея. Надо обдумать и описать
Насчет артиклей ... Ну если тренироваться, то точно можно стать чемпионом апока спасибо за подсказки с языком - врагом моим
Еше раз спасибо.Вечером выложу новый вариант и добро пожаловат попинать еше.
P.S. ИОП Проверьте личные сообшения пожалуйста
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Tigrius
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Вот мои 2 цента.
1) Думаю, что действительно ругать предыдущее место учебы не надо, уберите фразу "However, when I have been accepted into PhD program in XX at Z University of YY I found that this school does not have strong study in database. ", или сформулируйте как-то по-другому.
2) Добавьте краткое описание проектов/проекта, над которыми Вы работали в IT.
3) Если Вы что-то знаете о профессорах в университете куда Вы поступаете, напишите, что Вы с ними хотите работать --- Ваш "statement of purpose" дадут прочитать именно им. Например, Вы можете написать, что Вы читали о каком-то конкретном проекте, и Вам было бы интересно над ним работать, что Вы думаете, что Ваш опыт <описание опыта>, окажется полезным.
1) Думаю, что действительно ругать предыдущее место учебы не надо, уберите фразу "However, when I have been accepted into PhD program in XX at Z University of YY I found that this school does not have strong study in database. ", или сформулируйте как-то по-другому.
2) Добавьте краткое описание проектов/проекта, над которыми Вы работали в IT.
3) Если Вы что-то знаете о профессорах в университете куда Вы поступаете, напишите, что Вы с ними хотите работать --- Ваш "statement of purpose" дадут прочитать именно им. Например, Вы можете написать, что Вы читали о каком-то конкретном проекте, и Вам было бы интересно над ним работать, что Вы думаете, что Ваш опыт <описание опыта>, окажется полезным.
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е2е4
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Спасибо за пожелания. Cегодня ночью сделал новый вариант. Учесть профессоров я не успеваю. Надо отсылать уже.
Однако учиться надо всегда, а посему мое новое писание здесь, и критика все также welcome. Большое спасибо и жду новых пинков
The first time I saw a computer in my life was at high school. I was amazed. That was a turning moment in my life. Since than I have devoted all my time to studying and researching everything about computers and Computer Science in general.
After the high school, I applied for and was accepted to one of the most prestigious Universities at that time - the Tashkent State Technical University. My parents (both of them civil engineers) knew my desire to study Computer Science but they also wanted me to have some basic engineering skills, such as understanding and drawing blueprints, knowledge of material processing, metals etc. Therefore I chose Robot Systems Programming & Engineering as my major. This major allowed me to be on a keen edge where the Computer Science and Engineering concur.
At the time of my graduation there was no demand for the specialists in the field of Robotic Systems. I switched to IT. As you can judge by my resume I developed successful carrier as database developer and information analyst.
Yet, having significant hand-on experience and a good foundation of knowledge, I am not quiet ready to build large Information Systems. Hence, as my next step I applied and was admitted to Master’s Program in Computer and Information Science at Brooklyn College. I have studied for two years and now I realize two very important things: first, I want to focus on Databases. Second, I need to go beyond obtaining MS Degree, to gain a more research-based, theoretical foundation as a complement to my practical experience. I need Ph.D.
As mentioned above, Databases is my primary research interest in Computer Science. There are several particular ideas that appeal to me, I would even say challenge me. I want to make databases “smarter”. Adding intelligence to database could allow a user to input data as an unstructured stream, just like a note in a diary, rather than entering a data the old-fashioned way through a regular interface that uses a pre-defined un-flexible structure. The idea is that a set of rules defined by a user can control the behavior of a database at the beginning and serve the user through the lifecycle of the database. It could also prevent her from entering errors and wrong values. At the end it would help with generating queries to retrieve requested information. The proposed database should be able to learn new rules and even change its’ own design depending on the way the user treats the entered data.
I have been looking for a PhD program with a strong emphasis on Databases for some time. My friends who graduated from Purdue with degrees in Computer Science highly recommended their alma mater. Having looked into it a little further I found out that Purdue University has an institute specifically devoted to databases - Indiana Center for Database Systems. I felt like my dream came true. Next thing I knew I was visiting Computer Science Department at Purdue University. I spoke with the graduate advisor - Renate Mallus and the head of the Graduate Student Organization - Marina Blanton and they persuaded me even further: experienced faculty, excellently equipped facilities, and tremendous research possibilities in Computer Science. All this combined with my strong ambitions would positively create a very productive tandem. I believe I will be a strong and useful member of the Perdue’s Computer Science department team, and my efforts in research will become a good contribution for Indiana Center for Database Systems.
Однако учиться надо всегда, а посему мое новое писание здесь, и критика все также welcome. Большое спасибо и жду новых пинков
The first time I saw a computer in my life was at high school. I was amazed. That was a turning moment in my life. Since than I have devoted all my time to studying and researching everything about computers and Computer Science in general.
After the high school, I applied for and was accepted to one of the most prestigious Universities at that time - the Tashkent State Technical University. My parents (both of them civil engineers) knew my desire to study Computer Science but they also wanted me to have some basic engineering skills, such as understanding and drawing blueprints, knowledge of material processing, metals etc. Therefore I chose Robot Systems Programming & Engineering as my major. This major allowed me to be on a keen edge where the Computer Science and Engineering concur.
At the time of my graduation there was no demand for the specialists in the field of Robotic Systems. I switched to IT. As you can judge by my resume I developed successful carrier as database developer and information analyst.
Yet, having significant hand-on experience and a good foundation of knowledge, I am not quiet ready to build large Information Systems. Hence, as my next step I applied and was admitted to Master’s Program in Computer and Information Science at Brooklyn College. I have studied for two years and now I realize two very important things: first, I want to focus on Databases. Second, I need to go beyond obtaining MS Degree, to gain a more research-based, theoretical foundation as a complement to my practical experience. I need Ph.D.
As mentioned above, Databases is my primary research interest in Computer Science. There are several particular ideas that appeal to me, I would even say challenge me. I want to make databases “smarter”. Adding intelligence to database could allow a user to input data as an unstructured stream, just like a note in a diary, rather than entering a data the old-fashioned way through a regular interface that uses a pre-defined un-flexible structure. The idea is that a set of rules defined by a user can control the behavior of a database at the beginning and serve the user through the lifecycle of the database. It could also prevent her from entering errors and wrong values. At the end it would help with generating queries to retrieve requested information. The proposed database should be able to learn new rules and even change its’ own design depending on the way the user treats the entered data.
I have been looking for a PhD program with a strong emphasis on Databases for some time. My friends who graduated from Purdue with degrees in Computer Science highly recommended their alma mater. Having looked into it a little further I found out that Purdue University has an institute specifically devoted to databases - Indiana Center for Database Systems. I felt like my dream came true. Next thing I knew I was visiting Computer Science Department at Purdue University. I spoke with the graduate advisor - Renate Mallus and the head of the Graduate Student Organization - Marina Blanton and they persuaded me even further: experienced faculty, excellently equipped facilities, and tremendous research possibilities in Computer Science. All this combined with my strong ambitions would positively create a very productive tandem. I believe I will be a strong and useful member of the Perdue’s Computer Science department team, and my efforts in research will become a good contribution for Indiana Center for Database Systems.
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makay855
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Ув. glikhtin
Good choice with Purdue...
But - pls do the spell check. The name of the university is not spelled correctly in the last paragraph.
--------------------------
other minor changes -
as A database developer and information analyst.
Yet, having significant handS-on experience
I am not quiTE ready - or I am not ready yet
Second, I need to go beyond obtaining A MS Degree
I need A Ph.D.
----------------------
imho, you might mention that you were accepted to another PhD program AFTER you get into P. and will be in process of discussing fin. aid package...
overall, a pretty good statement. Good luck
Good choice with Purdue...
But - pls do the spell check. The name of the university is not spelled correctly in the last paragraph.
--------------------------
other minor changes -
as A database developer and information analyst.
Yet, having significant handS-on experience
I am not quiTE ready - or I am not ready yet
Second, I need to go beyond obtaining A MS Degree
I need A Ph.D.
----------------------
imho, you might mention that you were accepted to another PhD program AFTER you get into P. and will be in process of discussing fin. aid package...
overall, a pretty good statement. Good luck
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ingo
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not carrier, but career
"..now I realize two important things=sounds childish (no offense)
try to avoid banal overused adjectives: good, bad, and etc
also, add articles
"..So, I never regretted it. ==one sentence, or you can use semicolon after it and go on with the rest.
"..after THE school, due TO the unforseen economic instability and market oversaturation (my contribution to your essay), implementation of Robotic Systems in the industry became ...
Due to the abovementioned situation, I decided to change my career path and reengineer it into the .....
your essay is a little bit dry, try to use more juicy words, and creative writing to catch reader's attention..
that was all, of course, IMHO
"..now I realize two important things=sounds childish (no offense)
try to avoid banal overused adjectives: good, bad, and etc
also, add articles
"..So, I never regretted it. ==one sentence, or you can use semicolon after it and go on with the rest.
"..after THE school, due TO the unforseen economic instability and market oversaturation (my contribution to your essay), implementation of Robotic Systems in the industry became ...
Due to the abovementioned situation, I decided to change my career path and reengineer it into the .....
your essay is a little bit dry, try to use more juicy words, and creative writing to catch reader's attention..
that was all, of course, IMHO
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е2е4
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Огромное спасибо за комментарии. Предлагаю вниманию обшественности следуюшй вариант.
Насчет jucy words. Никак не могу поймать чувство, когда надо хранить простоту, плюс когда стараешься перевести с свои мысли, ловлю себя что не могу это сделать адекватно и делаю много ошибок, чем порчу все. Конечно даже самый первый вариант прошел через друзей у кого гораздо лучше с языком. В новом варинате учтены почти все пожелания пожелания.
Огромное спасибо еше раз и пинки все также vey welcome
The first time I saw a computer in my life was at high school. I was amazed. That was a turning moment in my life. Since than I have devoted all my time to studying and researching everything about computers and Computer Science in general.
After the high school, I applied for and was accepted to one of the most prestigious Universities in Soviet Union at that time - the Tashkent State Technical University. I chose Robot Systems Programming & Engineering as my major as I thought it allowed me to be on a keen edge where the Computer Science and Engineering concur.
At the time of my graduation there was no demand for the specialists in the field of Robotic Systems so I switched to IT. As you can judge by my resume I have developed a successful carrier as a database developer and information analyst.
Yet, having significant theoretical knowledge as well as hand-on experience, I felt I could do more. So I have decided to continue my education and applied to Master’s Program in Computer and Information Science at XX College. I have been admitted and studied for two years and now I realize two very important things: first, I want to focus on Databases. Second, I need to go beyond obtaining MS Degree, to gain a more research-based, theoretical foundation as a complement to my practical experience. I need a Ph.D.
As mentioned above, Databases is my primary research interest in Computer Science. There are several particular ideas that appeal to me, I would even say challenge me. One of them is making databases “smarter”. Adding intelligence to a database could allow a user to input data as an unstructured stream, just like a note in a diary, rather than entering a data the old-fashioned way through a regular interface that uses a pre-defined un-flexible structure. The idea is that a set of rules defined by a user can control the behavior of a database at the beginning and serve the user through the lifecycle of the database. It could also prevent her from entering errors and wrong values. At the end it would help with generating queries to retrieve requested information. The proposed database should be able to learn new rules and even change its’ own design depending on the way the user treats the entered data.
I have been looking for a PhD program with a strong emphasis on Databases for a while. My friends who graduated from P with MS or PhD in Computer Science highly recommended their alma mater. Having looked into it a little further I found out that P University has an institute specifically devoted to databases - I Center for Database Systems. I felt like my dream came true. Next thing I knew I was visiting Computer Science Department at P University. I spoke with the graduate advisor - R M and the head of the Graduate Student Organization - M B and they persuaded me even further: experienced faculty, excellently equipped facilities, and tremendous research possibilities in Computer Science. All this combined with my strong ambitions would positively create a very productive duet. I believe I will be a strong and useful member of the Purdue’s Computer Science department team, and my efforts in research will become a good contribution for I Center for Database Systems.
Насчет jucy words. Никак не могу поймать чувство, когда надо хранить простоту, плюс когда стараешься перевести с свои мысли, ловлю себя что не могу это сделать адекватно и делаю много ошибок, чем порчу все. Конечно даже самый первый вариант прошел через друзей у кого гораздо лучше с языком. В новом варинате учтены почти все пожелания пожелания.
Огромное спасибо еше раз и пинки все также vey welcome
The first time I saw a computer in my life was at high school. I was amazed. That was a turning moment in my life. Since than I have devoted all my time to studying and researching everything about computers and Computer Science in general.
After the high school, I applied for and was accepted to one of the most prestigious Universities in Soviet Union at that time - the Tashkent State Technical University. I chose Robot Systems Programming & Engineering as my major as I thought it allowed me to be on a keen edge where the Computer Science and Engineering concur.
At the time of my graduation there was no demand for the specialists in the field of Robotic Systems so I switched to IT. As you can judge by my resume I have developed a successful carrier as a database developer and information analyst.
Yet, having significant theoretical knowledge as well as hand-on experience, I felt I could do more. So I have decided to continue my education and applied to Master’s Program in Computer and Information Science at XX College. I have been admitted and studied for two years and now I realize two very important things: first, I want to focus on Databases. Second, I need to go beyond obtaining MS Degree, to gain a more research-based, theoretical foundation as a complement to my practical experience. I need a Ph.D.
As mentioned above, Databases is my primary research interest in Computer Science. There are several particular ideas that appeal to me, I would even say challenge me. One of them is making databases “smarter”. Adding intelligence to a database could allow a user to input data as an unstructured stream, just like a note in a diary, rather than entering a data the old-fashioned way through a regular interface that uses a pre-defined un-flexible structure. The idea is that a set of rules defined by a user can control the behavior of a database at the beginning and serve the user through the lifecycle of the database. It could also prevent her from entering errors and wrong values. At the end it would help with generating queries to retrieve requested information. The proposed database should be able to learn new rules and even change its’ own design depending on the way the user treats the entered data.
I have been looking for a PhD program with a strong emphasis on Databases for a while. My friends who graduated from P with MS or PhD in Computer Science highly recommended their alma mater. Having looked into it a little further I found out that P University has an institute specifically devoted to databases - I Center for Database Systems. I felt like my dream came true. Next thing I knew I was visiting Computer Science Department at P University. I spoke with the graduate advisor - R M and the head of the Graduate Student Organization - M B and they persuaded me even further: experienced faculty, excellently equipped facilities, and tremendous research possibilities in Computer Science. All this combined with my strong ambitions would positively create a very productive duet. I believe I will be a strong and useful member of the Purdue’s Computer Science department team, and my efforts in research will become a good contribution for I Center for Database Systems.