Police Department Answering Machine

[asking]

POLICE DEPARTMENT ANSWERING MACHINE...

Hello, you have reached the Police Department Voice Mail. Pay close attention; as we have to update the choices often, as new and unusual circumstances arise. Please select one of the following options:

To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem you created for yourself, press 1.

To postulate whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2.

To report an officer for bad manners when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3.

If you would like us to raise your children, press 4.

If you would like us to take control of your life due to your alcohol or chemical dependency, press 5.

If you would like us to instantly restore order (without hurting or angering anyone) to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6.

To provide a list of police officers you know personally so that we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7.

To sue us, tell us you'll have our badge # and that you pay our salary, or to proclaim that our career is over, press 8.

To whine about a ticket and/or explain how much better the department could be run if you were in charge, or complain about the many other things that police ought to be doing other than keeping your dumb ass from killing someone or someone else from killing you, press 9.

Please note, your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support........and remember, we're here to save your ass - not kiss it.

Thanks for calling your local Police Department and have a nice day!