Why do real estate websites display pictures of the owners..

NYgal · Post by **NYgal** » 20 Dec 2004 22:38

http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000190.html

Why do real estate websites display pictures of the owner's furniture and decor, versus the actual space? 

B. Suhocki 
From cyberspace
Real Estate Agents are complex creatures with a system of beliefs that many normal humans have a hard time comprehending. This system of beliefs is called the Way Of The Agent - the code by which they live, breathe, and send mass mailings. That code seldom makes sense to those of us outside of their realm, such as normal people. Often, the Way Of The Agent leads to confusion and leaves us with lingering questions and an odd, metallic aftertaste on the back of the tongue.

Understanding the Way Of The Agent requires being in the presence of Real Estate Professionals - individuals who make their living acting as carbon-based toll booths on the bridge separating sellers from prospective buyers (i.e.: folks who don't want to rent in Hoboken any more).

I have had the fortune of meeting Real Estate Agents in my time: a boob, a half-wit, a duplicitous tart, a mean-spirited cad, a prissy scoundrel and a guy I imagine has child porn under his bed - camouflaged by three counter-offers and a 20 page inspector's report on how bad my house was.

Dealing with these interesting, human-like individuals made an impression on me, much like being stapled in the eye would leave an impression on you. I am now left with a better understanding of the Way Of The Agent, without having had to take the 45 hour course. I fully understand why, of all professional classes, they are some of the most concerned about the expiration of the Assault Weapons Ban.

 
The Way Of The Agent Dictates They Make Large Sums Of Money For Doing Very Little

Let us imagine you want a Snickers bar. The Snickers bar is 75 cents at the Syrian guy's deli across the street. Now, let's say I'm standing on the corner doing nothing. You approach me and ask where you can find a Snickers bar. I point at the Syrian guy's deli. You probably would have noticed it if you looked over there, but I showed you first. I walk you to the deli, point you to the Snickers bar, tell you it's delicious, but then I suggest you try a more expensive Cadbury bar. You decide you like the Cadbury bar more even though it's a dollar and you only wanted to spend 75 cents. You ultimately decide to buy the Cadbury bar. I tell the cashier you want the candy bar. He tells me he agrees to sell you the candy bar. I tell you that the cashier will sell you the candy bar. We sit in a meeting for two hours which ends only after you've signed a stack of papers and forked over $17.23. I hand you your candy bar, pocket the difference, and send you the 2005 Zagat dining guide as thanks.

 
The Way Of The Agent Dictates Their Pug, Grinning Mugs Must Be Plastered Everywhere

Real Estate Agents believe you should see what that agent looks like, even if he's a dandy, bleach-toothed nitwit or she's an over-fed, pill-popping old bag with scrawny puppies under each arm. 

They assume that the thought process of a potential client will go like this: Boy, I sure need a house. Hey! There's a fat lady with two puppies on that bus shelter ad. She has a bad facelift and lots of make-up. I will buy the house from her.

Apparently it works, because bus shelter ads aren't cheap.

I have not met real estate tycoon Barbara Corcoran, but I know well what she looks like. That's because she stares at me from a billboard outside the window. As my dislike of her staring at me grows, I am almost certain that she will not convince me to utilize her or any of her underlings in the acquisition of property. Yet, because of the Way Of The Agent, she thinks otherwise. 

Sadly, she may be right. She's totally loaded and can afford to frighten people from billboards across New York city. 

 
The Way Of The Agent Dictates They Speak A Funny Language and Treat Reality As If They Were Chemically Altered

Although many of the Real Estate Agents I've met are utterly miserable bastards, they're all exceedingly positive about some things. Again, this Wellbutrin-esque worldview is one of the guiding principles of the Way Of The Agent.

A Real Estate Agent would describe Auschwitz as an "exclusive getaway." Haiti would be a "fixer-upper" and sitting on a mountaintop watching Seoul being rendered radioactive by lunatic dictator Kim Jong Il would be "scenic."

A Real Estate Agent visiting me once continued to call my house a "product." I found the concept of living in a "product" somewhat annoying - I'd been under the impression I lived in a "house." My dislike for the woman increased rapidly over a short period of time. I was ultimately thrilled to get her out of my product, shut my product's door, and go wash my hands in my product's bathroom.

As far as the answer to your question goes: The websites usually show the furniture and décor rather than the actual space because it would be a pain in the ass to move all that stuff. That's not the Way Of The Agent. That's just logistics.

Hope that helps.