Statement of purpose

Sudakovich · Post by **Sudakovich** » 05 Aug 2004 07:59

Привет всем!
У меня уже была такая тема? но то был старый statement, но вот я наконец родил новый/ Большая просьба кто может прочитайте и дайте свои коментарии по поводу прочитанного - буду очень благодарен а то скоро надо здавать и хотелось бы знать мнение экспертов в этой области.

My idea to continue education in Computer Science field is naturally flows
from my subjects of interest and my background as I will explain later.
Studying for 4 years in Odessa National Politectic University strengthened
and enhanced my knowledge in several Computer Science related topics such
as Software developing, Data basing and networking and by continuing my
education in an American University I am trying to broader my knowledge
and hand on experience and familiarize myself with world wide standards
of education that eventually will help me in my career.

The choice of UCLA as a next alma mater was not random.
Doing research about university I want to go to after my moving to US proved
my choice.
UCLA is a school that combines modern level of technological equipment
(that is very important for my future major) with strong classical theoretical
approach in educational process.

In order to become more familiar with level of education and requirements
of this university I enrolled in summer class.
Studying at Prof.
Sanadidi`s class, I could evaluate very high educational standards of teaching
and very knowledgeable staff of the Computer Science department.
Also, as another step on my way to enter UCLA, I asked the permission of
professor Sanadidi to participate in TCP Westwood project that will help
me to stronger my knowledge in networking area and prepare me for the future
researching projects that I expect to do at UCLA.
Having system programming background, as you can see from my resume that
will be enclosed, I have already worked as a software developer for several
years back in Ukraine and this experience makes me think that I will fit
UCLA and a student of a computer department.

The choice of computer languages and systems specialization was obvious
for me because that is the same specialization that I was in while I was
studying as an undergraduate student.
This area is particularly interesting for me because I was always interested
in developing core components of software that can be the base for future
developments for somebody else.
Saying all that I want to add that working at my previous jobs as a software
developer I enhanced very important ability such as team work that I think
is essential in areas such as developing complex and multilayer systems.

Also, along with computer systems, networking is another area that I am
interested in now.
Saying before that I will be involved in TCP project, I will enhance my
knowledge in this particular aspect of networking in order to try to combine
my previous experience of software developing with experience of people
I will work with in this field.

I wish to earn an MS degree in Computer Science.
I intend to follow this up with a Ph.D., and later, a career in research
and teaching.
And as my undergraduate education and my work experience are broad, I think
that they are found suitable for MS and later PhD in Computer Science at
UCLA.

Заранее всем спасибо - критикуйте на здоровье!!!!

Liuka · Post by **Liuka** » 05 Aug 2004 18:28

Я только грамматику критикую.... как могу.

My idea to continue education in Computer Science field resulted
from a combination of my professional interests and my background.
While an undergraduate student at the Odessa National Politectic University I strengthened and enhanced my knowledge in several Computer Science related topics such as Software developing, Database development and maintenance, networking and other areas. By continuing my education in an American University I am trying to broaden my knowledge and hands-on experience and familiarize myself with world wide standards of education that will eventually help in my career advancement.

The choice of UCLA as a next alma mater was not random.
Upon researching many options, I came to realize that UCLA is a school that combines modern level of technological equipment with strong classical theoretical
approach in educational process.

In order to become more familiar with level of education and requirements
of this university I enrolled in one of the summer classes, Name_of_the_Class.
While taking Prof. Sanadidi`s class, I encountered very high educational standards of teaching and very knowledgeable staff at the Computer Science department.
Also, I asked the permission of professor Sanadidi to participate in TCP Westwood project that will help me to stronger my knowledge in networking area and prepare me for the future research projects that I expect to do at UCLA. (if the permission was granted, you don't have to write about asking for that permission -- really, just say "I plan to participate in TCP Westwood project .....etc.")

As a software developer, I have gained invaluable experience in system programming, and I believe that a combination of my education and practical expertise prepared me for the requirements of the Computer Science Department of UCLA. I have attached a copy of my resume detailing my experience (or something like that - may want to change the word experience to something else.)

The choice of computer languages and systems specialization was obvious
to me because that is the same specialization that I was in while I was
studying as an undergraduate student. (???? not quite relevant, is it? where did you make that choice?? be more specific).

This area (once again, what area? be specific) is particularly interesting to me because I was always interested in developing core components of software that can be the base 9cornerstone?) for future developments.

I would also like to add that working at my previous jobs as a software
developer, I enhanced my ability to work as a team member, which
is essential in areas such as developing complex and multilayer systems.

Besides computer systems, networking is another area that I am
interested in. I hope that through participaton in the aforementioned TCP project and similar projects, I will strengthen my knowledge in this particular aspect of networking in order to try to combine my previous experience of software development with experience of people I will work with in this field. The bold part is clumsy, and does't quite explain in good terms what exactly you expect to get from this project - i.e., networking expertise.

I wish to earn an MS degree in Computer Science. You have to explain this at the beginning of the letter first.
Then you can say something like this:

While I am planning to work on my MS degree in CS at the moment, I intend to pursue a Ph.D. in CS later, which will assist me in my quest for a career in research and teaching.

Then, you have to come up with a very strong ending of one or two sentences, and a concluding remark - contact me if you have any questions, etc.

Sudakovich · Post by **Sudakovich** » 05 Aug 2004 21:32

Спасибо liuka!! Побежал исправлять

Sudakovich · Post by **Sudakovich** » 06 Aug 2004 17:17

Ну что ребята боллльше ни у кого коментариев нет? В прошлый раз помню очень мне с SOP но в прошлый раз совсем оно сырое было

Liuka · Post by **Liuka** » 06 Aug 2004 20:46

а вы его в Карьеру и Работу предложите. Все и зашевелятся.

Ljolja · Post by **Ljolja** » 19 Aug 2004 04:55

Насколько я поняла, Вы собираетесь поступать в UCLA и Вас просят написать почему Вы выбрали этот университет и чем собираетесь там заниматься.

1. Текст слишком длиный, много воды, могно сократить минимум в 2 раза
2. Поменяйте начало с концом
3. Если информация присутствует где-то еше (cv/resume), не надо дублировать

В 4х тезисах Ваше 'statment' должно быть следуюшим:
1) Вы хотите получить степень
2) UCLA очень хороший универ. и Вы очень хотите учиться именно там
2) Вас интересуют такие-то и такие-то предметы (если знаете, кто читает лекции по этим предметам могно упомянуть)
3) если едете к конкретному профессору, напишите пару слов
о проекте, которы он Вам предлагает
4) Ваша "базисная подготовка" достаточна для обучения в UCLA [ссылка на cv/resume/оценки]

удачи

ingo · Post by **ingo** » 19 Aug 2004 05:59

1. Постарайтесь сделать предложения короткими и лаконичными,
2. Начните текст с яркой запоминающейся, маркетинговой фразы/предложения
(надо их зацепить)
3. Каждый обзац начинайте с такого предложения, чтоб читать им хотелось дальше..
4. Почитайте биографии людей..в журналах..
5. Больше про конкретные примеры, и как они повлияли на вас и на ваше решение.
6. Не начинайте с "Я хочу это потому-то и потому-то.."
Это приевшийся шаблон..

sorry за критику

Влад1039 · Post by **Влад1039** » 05 Sep 2004 03:40

Извинити за резкость, но плохо стейтмент. Похож на речь Брежнева. Почитайте книги про написание стейтментов, почитайте примеры. Главный недостаток - очень как-то банально написано. Язык какой-то инсотранно-официальный тоже

Влад1039 · Post by **Влад1039** » 05 Sep 2004 03:42

Еше вазный моемент - вы только пишите про себя и про ваши желания, игноритуя сам университет. Создается впечатление что бы очень егоистичный и черствый человек. Вы как бы побольше университет похвалите, напишите как вы поможите университету обучаясь там.