True stories from doctors

[Niki]

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby
in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.

Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."

Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
------------------------------------------------------------------------

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see . . . Yes, the man had over fifty patches
on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying
a new one.

Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
------------------------------------------------------------------------

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive."

Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good! , except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I
then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."

Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
------------------------------------------------------------------------

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on
the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been
dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that! read, "Keep off the
grass."

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

and finally...

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly
said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but
the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

[lozzy]

[Lite]

Niki, я плакала.