airplane mechanics' jokes

[Pavel]

The Aircraft Discrepancy Report

This one has been floating around the net. It is a collection of complaints about various aircraft submitted by U.S. Air Force pilots, and the replies to those complaints from Air Force Mechanics. Each complaint in the log book must be followed by the mechanics report and sign-off.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: "Test Flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem#1: "No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution#1: "No. 2 propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "No. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't"
Solution: "It does now."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on the right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilit in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative.
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution:"Engine found under right wing after brief search."

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