CHRISTMAS PARTY

[Lite]

TRYING TO PLAN A CHRISTMAS PARTY

December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of
spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to
sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to
light
the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that
time: however, no gift should be over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Ted Lange
Human Resources Director

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December 2nd
TO ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with
Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are
celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no
Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Ted Lange
Human Resources Director

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December 3rd.
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA
Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts
exchange-no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is
too much money.
Ted Lange
Human Resources Director

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December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays
are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay
men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for
the gay men's table. Happy NOW?

Ted Lange

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December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, People-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to
play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan,"
there is no evil connotation to our own " little man in a red suit."

Ted Lange
Human Rat races

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December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this
party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at
the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get
salad bar only, including hydroponics tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have
feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm
hearing them right now..HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive
drunk and die, you hear me?
The Jerk from Hell

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December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Ted Lange a speedy
recovery from his stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your
cards to him at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off
with full pay.

Terry Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director

[Lite]

del

[Niki]

What did the guest sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party ?
Freeze a jolly fellow !

What party game did Jekyll like best ?
Hyde and Seek !

Did you hear about the man who went to the fancy dress party as a bone ?
A dog ate him in the hall !

What would you do if you saw Dracula, Frankenstein & The Swamp Thing ?
Hope they were going as a fancy dress party !

Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ?
It was a moth ball !

How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ?
Chick to chick !

Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party ?
It was a scream !

Did you hear about the party with lots of fireworks, balloons & crackers ?
It went with a bang !

What did Dracula say at the Christmas party ?
Fancy a bite ?

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ?
He had no body to go with !